Just because one dislikes being ruthless doesn’t mean one does not know how to be ruthless.

"It is unecessary to reveal the hidden agenda of others as its revelation would prompt further deceit. Simply the knowledge of its existence should suffice in protecting oneself from future occurences."

Here is where it gets kinda tricky. Technically I have no problems left to tackle. I simply made my life too complicated to handle. I need to simplify my life.

My dad left a long time ago and there has not been any problems from him since, except that I miss him a lot and wish to talk to him and get some advice from him. I can practically imagine what kind of advice he would give me. And he would tell me right now that I screwed up big time.

My mother left last year and so has all the problems that came with her went with her as well. The remaining problems are in Canada and have not reach me in Hong Kong yet. She would probably be too embarrassed to give any advice since she left me so much baggage to contend to.

My grandmother's death, both my grandmothers, only means that I have 2 less persons to worry about. God rest their souls. They were caretakers and not advice givers.

My uncle is really not a problem, if he sues me, then I go bankrupt and he gets dick all. If he could not be a part of the solution, then at least avoid being an added problem in my life. What is stopping me from telling him to go screw himself? I have no more loyalties to him because our link has been severed. Just tell him to take a hike and leave me alone!

My girl... technically she is not my girl anymore. It was me, I broke up with her, and there has not been a day that I do not regret doing so. The truth is I miss her presence as my girlfriend a lot. But she is still a friend. A best friend. I should give thanks she is still sticking around and comforting me and supporting me. But, something is missing.. I have made a grave mistake, and I am paying for it every second of my life. Fact is I want her back, but it is not something I can do at the immediate, maybe ever. But she is still my baby, and I will continue to baby her because I love her and I cannot bear to watch her get hurt or fall and if I am still around, I will not stand by and allow her to fall. I cannot bear not to go over and pick her up, and tell her everything will be all right. But, it is not very convincing when I am the one who has fallen and couldn't get up. I think it is time to let her pick me up and tell me everything is OK, something that she has been doing all along that I have simply been overlooking. Fact is I do need her support and care. (I'm sorry.) And during our trip to Australia, I was subjected to seeing her make friendly with someone else and idolizing someone else, and has troubled me for many nights. I cannot erase what I have seen and is challenging me to how much I can tolerate. In the end after everything that has happened, I should be disliking her or hating her, but for some reason, I haven't been feeling anything but wanting her back. Maybe I am a fool, hopelessly in love. Maybe because i feel like I owe her. I don't know.

Take it easy, enjoy life, live healthily, life will pick up again. Then decide what to do. I cannot do anything when I do not even love myself. If I am on the road to self destruction, no one can help me, no one will want to help me, no one will want to stick around.

Step Two: Mental Health

1. Simply my life. Cut out the unnecessary. Live with the bare minimum. DONE

2. Let problems come to me then solve when they reach me. Do not try and tackle every problem at the same time. DONE.

3. Look beyond the immediate, when the immediate seems hopeless. DONE

4. Do what I have been preaching. Read more philosophy and teach myself the basics like I have been teaching my girl in the past. Listen to my own advice. DONE

5. Do not overthink everything. But do not underthink either. Make the correct decisions and learn from my mistakes. TRYING NOT TO THINK AT ALL. DONE.

6. Do not give myself too much pressure in making amends. People will know that I am trying my best and will understand. DONE.

7. Try to enjoy life a little more. Life can be fun if I allow it to be. DONE.